Hidden
by Snow Tigra
Summary: Finished, AU, Heero is lonely. Can the cat he got for Christmas really help?


Title: Hidden  
Series: Gundam Wing  
Author: Snow Tigra  
Rating: PG  
Pairing: no spoilers... trust me, just read it and you'll see  
Warnings: AU  
Spoilers: nope  
Archive: Fanfiction.net  
  
Author's note:  
This story is for Chibi Shi-chan  
  
**  
  
Wide violet eyes blinked back at me from inside the darkness, the color of twilight before dawn. I felt my jaw drop and knew I must look like an idiot, just staring there at it, but I couldn't help it. All I could do was stare in disbelief, I couldn't believe she'd actually done it. I never thought she'd do something so careless. Under normal circumstances I would have come right out and told her my thoughts, but right now all I could do was stare into those eyes in disbelief.  
  
Her hands reached passed me into the box and wrapped around the small furry shape, lifting it into the light. Now I could see the full form and my suspicions were confirmed. Deeply violet eyes, which were impossibly wide, surrounded by soft and fluffy brown fur. A single black patch of fur marked the edge of its mouth, almost like a child caught with a smudge of frosting on his face. It gave the small creature the most adorable look, and any one else might have melted at the sight. All I could think about was how stupid this whole idea was.  
  
"Isn't it just adorable?!"   
  
Her voice snapped me out of my shocked state and I managed to nod. "Relena…" I said softly.  
  
She ignored me and simply cuddled the small kitten against her face, which caused it to immediately start struggling. Like any small kitten it wanted to get out and explore its new world, and it also wanted to get the huge red bow off from around its neck. I could tell that because it immediately started chewing on the stiff red fabric, causing the bells to jingle.  
  
I sighed. "We can't keep it."  
  
She frowned at me. "Why not? Here I thought you would like it."  
  
"I do, but… We aren't allowed to have pets in this apartment. You know that, the lease said so." We'd moved into the apartment earlier that year after graduating from high school together. We'd decided to live together and go to the same college, even though our majors were so completely different. It was every one's dream. Marry your high school sweet heart.   
  
It had been ours too.  
  
"There's no problem with that, love. I talked to the man at the pet shop, he said that if you get them while they are kittens you can train them to be good and make little noise. We can train it and it'll behave."  
  
The small kitten in her hands gave a sneeze then wiggled its little body out of her hands, dropping onto the carpeted floor. Finding itself free it scampered over to the small Christmas tree we'd bought and started batting at one of the ornaments with a shiny sharp claw. Catching the ornament, which was a large thread wrapped ball, it pulled it to the ground and started attacking it viciously.  
  
Somehow I had a feeling that this one would be a handful to train.  
  
Relena opened her mouth to further defend her case when there was a light ringing from the kitchen. Both of us turned and glanced in that direction, immediately knowing the sound. She sighed and glanced at me, as if she were asking permission. I nodded, giving it. Like I had any right to keep her from her duties.  
  
She stood up and disappeared from the room to retrieve her cell phone. I could hear muffled speaking, and could understand it if I wanted to. I didn't. I already knew what was going on, this was such a common occurrence by now. Turning around on the carpet my eyes drifted to the small ball of fur still attacking that poor helpless ornament ball. It was becoming unraveled around the kitten and wrapping around its limbs. I couldn't help but smile just slightly as the thread tangled around the kitten, restricting its movement so much that it gave a quiet meow of help. Leaning forward I pulled at the strings, trying to help.  
  
It reacted by, as soon as it was set free, attacking my fingers with its small teeth. It had found a new toy. I wiggled my fingers around absentmindedly and watched the small brown paws bat at them, trying to catch them. When its teeth locked down it wasn't hard. The kitten seemed to know I was just playing. But then most kittens aren't stupid enough to seriously attack something so much larger.   
  
Most.  
  
Relena appeared back around the corner, the cell phone against her ear. Somewhere along the line she'd managed to grab her jacket from the closet and already had it slipped over one arm. I glanced up at her with my usual blank expression. She gave me an embarrassed look.  
  
"Go ahead." I said.  
  
"I'm really sorry Heero, it being Christmas and all. But they are really busy-"  
  
I simply nodded, cutting off her excuse. I knew how important her job was to her and all those other people she helped. My feelings on the matter didn't really matter. I was used to this by now.  
  
She flashed a smile of gratitude and rushed over, kneeling down to kiss me softly on the lips. We shared a brief kiss, for a moment the world disappearing around us in happy silence, then she was gone. She disappeared out the door, letting it swing shut behind her. I could hear her retreating footsteps down the hall and then, finally, the lobby doors opening and shutting.  
  
And she's gone.  
  
I allow myself a small sigh, but that's all. There's no point in me being angry with her; she has her duties to attend to. And it could have been worse; at least we were able to have a small Christmas before she was called out, even if it only lasted for an hour.   
  
Leaning back against the couch from where I sat on the floor my eyes roam the apartment, letting my thoughts wander. If you had talked to me two years ago I certainly wouldn't have imagined myself in a place like this. I wasn't the type. Or at least I hadn't been.  
  
Born and raised in an elite and rich town, filled with large houses and rolling lawns I was the outcast. I hated elite people and right from the start I despised the domestic bliss which was apparent in all those sickeningly white picket fences. Everyone around me had always been a step ahead of the game. Latest fashions, annoying bright colors, tight designer clothing, girls who pretended to be 21 when they were just barley entering middle school. It sickened me.   
  
I was the outcast. I was the one who didn't fit in.  
  
And it wasn't because no one liked me -- the normal call of the high school outcast. No, it was because I couldn't stand them. I had no friends because I didn't want any. I was silent because I didn't want people to talk to me. After all, what did I know about cheerleading and boy bands and those expensive designer shoes, which was all I ever heard them talk about.  
  
True, in my years I did manage to gain a few friends, what kid doesn't? But they were acquaintances mostly, and the ties were quite different. Normal people make friends to have others to talk to and spend time with. Me? I gained friends because the other outcasts knew there were safety in numbers. A group of outcasts were less likely to be picked on then a loner. So I had friends… we almost never talked and usually just sat next to each other, but that's still a form of friendship.   
  
She had been completely different. Different in every way imaginable and to this day I can still remember the first time I saw her. Long shining blond hair, shimmering in the morning sunlight as she and her usual entourage of friends chatted happily, clutching their books to their chests. He first thing I noticed about her was her hair and her bright blue eyes, which in itself wasn't all that noticeable. The second thing I noticed, and the thing which made me respect her a little more then those mindless twits around her, was that she didn't show her self off. She obviously had a body worth showing off, not model perfection but still perfection enough for those years, but she wore a sort of modest style. A lose white blouse and a tastefully faded pink skirt that reached her knees. It wasn't too tight, nor too short, just tastefully chosen like everything else about her. It made her fit in, and yet it made her stand out as a person, rather then a mindless lemming.  
  
If asked I could tell every detail about our relationship, everything we've ever done. A person tends to remember the happiest years of their life. But to be completely honest, I still have no idea why she ever came up and talked to me in the first place.   
  
It had been in a math class, we all have those. One of those annoying teachers who insists on people interacting with each other and making friends, as if the rest of a person's life is dependent on their ability to socialize. Group tests, they should be forbidden.  
  
I, in my usual fashion, refused to find a partner and simply started on the test, knowing it wouldn't take me any time at all. I wasn't a master at math, but I knew enough to get through the class with a decent grade. Normally I would have been left in peace, as is the benefit of being an outcast, but she thought differently. She actually came and sat down next to me, as if we were old friends and had known each other for ages.  
  
Most people respected my privacy. Most people knew I liked to be left alone. Apparently not her though, she was just stubborn that way. And because it was a group test I couldn't do much else then cooperate. Somehow, from those events, we became a couple. To this day I'm still amazed that she stayed wit me, and sometimes I wonder if I really deserve her.  
  
How did I get so lucky to have someone like her in my life? Someone so bright and cheerful, who could, honestly, have had her pick of anyone. Yet she picked me. Me, dark and heartless Heero Yuy. The one who no one even got near because I never bothered to show them who I was. My anger and heartlessness was a shield of sorts. But in another sense… you needed to care to show emotions. Most times I just didn't care.  
  
How in the world did the outcast of the entire school end up living the cookie-cutter high school dream? It just couldn't be real. No one married the crush they had from high school. No one goes off to live with, and spend their whole life with, the beauty they talked into taking to prom.  
  
Ok, so maybe some people did. But I didn't. I wasn't the type. So how the hell…  
  
Violet eyes stared back at me. While I had been lost in thought the kitten had abandoned its tree ornament and attacking of my fingers in favor of just sitting there, with its head cocked to the side watching me. I snorted and stood up, as if I was really that interesting to stare at.  
  
Maybe for a kitten.  
  
Banishing my self-pitiful thoughts I made my way to the kitchen and poured myself a mug of hot cocoa. Before me, on the counter, were the fixings of a grand Christmas meal, well, at least as grand as two pretty well off college students could afford. Ham and mashed potatoes, frosted cookies, baked corn…   
  
Covering all the containers and turning off the stove I placed them back in the fridge, leaving the food to be eaten another day. I wasn't in the mood. Instead I pulled out a small microwave dinner and popped it in. Returning to the couch near the tree I certainly must have been a sight. Anyone would have laughed at me, and probably should.  
  
I mean, what idiot spends his Christmas with a microwave dinner sitting on a couch? Especially when they are already practically engaged?   
  
Apparently an idiot like me.  
  
Settling down on the couch I flip on the TV and throw in a random tape. I honestly don't care what it is, some random action movie. I wasn't interested in watching, I just wanted noise. Ignoring the TV I peeled the plastic wrap from the top of my meal and stirred it, starting to eat.   
  
Meanwhile the kitten jumped up onto the couch, its belled collar jingling with the holiday spirit. It stopped at the edge of the couch across from me and perched there, crouched in quiet watch. I ate intently at my meal, not really paying too much attention. But I noticed it all the same; who doesn't notice a cute little kitten trying to stalk his or her poor nuked excuse for a healthy meal?  
  
Its little brown butt raised in the air and wiggled back and forth, as those violet eyes narrowed in a playful sense. I simply lifted my fork and chewed at what I suppose was supposed to be chicken. It froze, watching me. Another butt wiggle and it pounced.  
  
A flash of brown fur and it was in my lap, just missing the meal as I raised it out of reach. The kitten blinked in confusion, as if it was wondering where the food had disappeared to. Then it glanced up and blinked at the bottom side of the raised cardboard container. Violet eyes flickered to my face and it gave a small snort, apparently annoyed that I'd cheated it out of its hunting game.  
  
I couldn't help but smile softly. This kitten was growing on me.  
  
Picking out a small shaving of chicken I tossed it onto the cushion next to me, where it was immediately attacked with no mercy. In seconds there wasn't a single bit left, and the kitten was back at my lap, waiting patiently for more.  
  
The kitten ended up eating the rest of the chicken from the meal while I finished off the shriveled excuses for peas and carrots.   
  
All in all a pretty poor meal, but then I wasn't that hungry anyway.   
  
I set the remnants of my meal on the table next to the couch and leaned back, letting my eyes drift to the screen. Some random over muscled man had a large amount of guns and was chasing after a bad guy with some too-beautiful-to-be-real girl. I shrugged and turned away from the TV, still not interested. Curling up on the couch I let the kitten climb near the nook of my arm and absently stroked its fur.  
  
The cute little creature quickly rolled onto its back and turned into a furry purring mass of pure pleasure. Like all kittens it loved to be spoiled and apparently I'd just found its weak spot.  
  
Well, at least I wasn't completely alone anymore.   
  
That was a switch from most nights.  
  
**  
  
"You aren't happy are you?"  
  
"Who are you?"  
  
"You're lonely, all the time."  
  
"Why should you care?"  
  
"People shouldn't be lonely."  
  
"Well I am."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I just am."  
  
"Doesn't that make you sad?"  
  
"No."  
  
"No?"  
  
"…."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Sadness is very lonely."  
  
"Yes. Yes it is."  
  
**  
  
I woke up a few hours later to find the room dark. We hadn't turned on the lights during our little Christmas celebration and now the room was quite dark, lit only by the blue screen from the TV. The movie had stopped. Reaching off to the side I fumbled around for the controller, and clicked off the screen, plunging the room into darkness save for the very dim Christmas lights from someone's house outside my window.  
  
In my arms, nestled in the area of my shoulder, the small kitten stretched and gave a huge yawn, showing off its juvenile sharp teeth. I smiled in the darkness and gently scratched behind its ear. The kitten responded by rolling halfway onto its back and purred softly.  
  
"It is very lonely," I murmured softly.   
  
Closing my eyes I resettled on the couch, not in the mood to move anywhere else. I laid my head down on my arm, right up next to that soft fur and smiled as it slightly tickled my nose. Well, this was something I could definitely get used to. I suppose she got me the cat because she was aware of how often she left me alone, possibly of how lonely I was. I couldn't blame her though.  
  
Soft fur rubbed against my face and I started drifting off again, heading back toward sleep.  
  
"You really are lonely."  
  
"Yes," I murmured softly, hearing the same soft voice from my dream. My eyes blinked open and I glanced around in the darkness.   
  
Where had that voice come from?  
  
Nothing in the room leant me an answer. He TV was off and the windows and doors were closed enough to prevent noise, not to mention that no one was out this late at night. So where had…   
  
I must have just been hearing things. Stress and self-pity do that.  
  
Closing my eyes again I snuggled into the couch and sighed. Maybe I couldn't just sleep this loneliness away. And the strange part was that I didn't specifically miss her. I missed the contact, the feel of someone's hands on me, even in a non-sexual way. I missed touch. I missed companionship. I missed one of the most basic things a human needed.  
  
I just missed everything. I was lonely. So very lonely.  
  
It must have been my sleep fuzzed mind, but at that moment I could have sworn I felt a soft hand slide down my cheek in an endearing motion. This time, instead of opening my eyes and dispelling the illusion, I kept them shut and enjoyed it. Unconsciously I leaned against the touch, savoring the feel of that warm flesh against my own. It felt so good. So good I could have cried. Cried? How long had this loneliness been eating at me?  
  
The soft fingers drifted down the edge of my chin, brushing over my neck, then disappeared. I let out a small disappointed sigh as the illusion disappeared. Even illusions don't last. Least not this kind. Illusions of happiness with a supposed high school sweet heart could last for a very long time. And now I'm wondering why I didn't notice it earlier.   
  
She was too perfect for me. Somewhere along the line I'd tricked myself into being happy with her, into stepping into her perfect little world. So much that I'd even gone with her to college, to some state far away from the college I would have preferred. I'd fooled myself into thinking I could be happy with her. Or maybe it had just been wishful thinking.  
  
"Why do you stay then?" Asked that same strange voice.  
  
I hate being half asleep, it's the only time when someone is so vulnerable. Its like nature's truth serum, you mumble the answers before you can think of them. Perhaps that why hypnotism works so well, it reaches past the walls of the consciousness to the inner self. The self without the armor, deep within that cage we so carefully build around ourselves.  
  
"I can't leave," my voice is so soft, I wonder if any set of human ears could have actually heard it.  
  
"Why?" The voice is a sweet breath of air against my ear. Like a summer breeze, beckoning, calling. Calling to what?  
  
"I'm… afraid…"  
  
Silence fills the air around me and I suddenly feel cold. Cold and alone in the dark. The thing every child fears. Yet its not the same fear of the monster under the bed who will sneak up and get you as soon as the parents leave the room. No, this fear goes back so much deeper. This fear reaches back to the days when humans lived in the wild, among the animals and trees and plants. Back when humans huddled sadly together in deep cold caves, before fire could touch its warmth. Fear of that coldness, fear of that darkness never ending. Fear of the abyss, pure and eternal loneliness.  
  
I shivered, curling into a tighter ball.  
  
I hated to be alone.  
  
Something soft brushed over my side, like the softest cloth, the kind you wrap a child in when they sleep. It slipped over my body like a shadow, completely covering me. I could feel warmth from that softness and part of it, strangely resembling arms pulled me close. I didn't think, I just responded, obeying those soft nudging. I moved against that warmth, silently wishing it would completely cover me. There was nothing worse then being cold and lonely.  
  
Sweetness, something just slightly damp brushed across my forehead and I shivered. It reminded me so much about how my mother used to comfort me. How she used to comfort me before she got drunk on my father's money. I missed those days, her soft and comforting touch.  
  
That same dampness brushed over my lips, a soft kiss meant purely for comfort and care.  
  
But it snapped the illusion into painful reality and my eyes snapped open.  
  
To my complete amazement, and now total wakeness, I found myself looking into bright violet eyes. But these weren't the slitted eyes of a kitten. Rather they were large and full of emotion, the eyes of a bright young boy, tinged with sadness.  
  
I held my breath and didn't move, just staring in amazement.  
  
Was I still dreaming?  
  
I had to be.  
  
How else could one explain the ethereal beauty who now had me wrapped securely in his arms. I had to be dreaming, my unconscious mind weaving the sights of the day into an image I could see. This strange being had the same color eyes as Relena's kitten; his long hair spread out over his body much like some silky smooth fur. His skin was smooth and pale in the dim light, almost glowing.   
  
Gods he was beautiful.  
  
But no matter how beautiful he couldn't be real. No dream ever lasts, nothing this good ever lasts more then the hours of the night. Still, if this was a dream…  
  
I pulled myself closer, snuggling into the soft body. I felt tears rising in the back of my throat… tears I hadn't cried for so very long. Tears I would never let myself shed, even when no one was watching.  
  
"Don't leave," I murmured against that warm skin. I willed him not to disappear. I didn't care if he was a dream, I just wanted to have someone hold me, just this once. Just this once I wanted to let it all out.  
  
"What makes you think I'll leave?" The boy asked softly. His voice held a very soft and sad tone to it. I simply pulled closer and he responded by holding me near.  
  
"Dreams don't last."  
  
"I'm not a dream."  
  
At that my eyes opened once again and I pulled back, once against looking at the form which held me. I noted the soft skin and silky brown hair. I also noticed those deep violet pools which gazed back at me sadly. And there… in his ear was a small black earring, resembling the same shape of that black patch of fur near the kitten's mouth. Why had I never noticed it looked like a heart before?  
  
"Do you still want me to stay, Heero?"  
  
I couldn't answer, my voice no where to before. My mind was flying, trying to process the impossible. The kitten had turned human? The kitten had turned human and was now holding me, asking if I wanted it to stay? That couldn't be real.  
  
"I can turn back," he whispered, in a very sad and regretful tone. Almost as if he could read my mind and had answered my silent questions.  
  
"No," I breathed. No, he couldn't leave. "Don't leave."  
  
He flashed me a smile and kissed me on the lips once again, this time I melted into the kiss, floating along with the sensations.   
  
"Your wish is my command," he murmured softly.  
  
There is no way to express how I felt at that moment, the happiness over flowing in my mind and body. I gazed into his deep eyes and suddenly it seemed as if I knew him in and out. I knew this body before me, this one holding me, I knew him. I knew him because he was just like me. I could see the loneliness in his features, the sadness of expressions which had crossed his face so many times they left their imprint in his eyes. I knew him. And he knew me.  
  
"Stay," I said, pulling him close. "Please."  
  
"Always. I'll always be here. With you. Forever."  
  
**  
  
Relena placed her keys in the lock and entered the empty apartment, dropping them on the counter with her coat as she slipped off her shoes and padded into the living room. Sitting near her TV was her small Christmas tree, decked out in tasteful small ornaments and a singing angel perched at the top. A few gifts sat under the tree, but nothing too important. Mostly things she'd bought herself in a rare act of self interest.  
  
Her eyes moved over the tree as she sat down at the couch. Pulling out her photo album from the drawer in the coffee table she settled down and flipped through the pages.  
  
She stopped on one page in particular. It held a single picture, with a dried rose pressed beneath the plastic paper. The picture beside the rose was a prom picture, of a couple smiling and decked out happily. Her in a shimmering blue dress, blue roses woven in with the braids in her hair. Those roses matched the eyes of her partner, who stood next to her with his small and serious smile. Messy brown hair fell over his head, giving him a mysterious yet very attractive look.  
  
Heero Yuy.  
  
He had been her high school sweet heart. They were so happy back then. Sadly, though, they'd broken up before leaving for college. It wasn't a bitter break up, but more recognition of how different they really were. It hadn't been real love, it had been something they both needed at the time.  
  
That had been over a year ago.  
  
Last she heard he was at his college, quite happy with who he was becoming. Still the ever endearing outcast who had attracted her back then.  
  
She had even heard from her friends that he was now living with his boyfriend…  
  
She smiled and closed the book.  
  
"Merry Christmas Heero," she said softly, the smile on her face bright and genuine. Standing up she flipped off the lights and crawled into bed.   
  
She knew he was happy. And in a way she was glad they hadn't stayed together, because she would never have been able to forgive herself for how lonely he would have been with her. Her schedule was so busy he would have spent most of his time alone.   
  
She was glad he'd found someone to stay and be happy with.  
  
No one deserves to be lonely.  
  
owari 


End file.
